The next day I woke up with a splitting hangover, but I remembered every detail, and I also remembered what a sexual charge it had been. I was hooked ...n the excitement of living dangerously, it had to have been those experiences from my younger days. I couldn’t justify it, all I could do was accept it. I started going out one night a week, usually on Thursday, when John was out of town. Sometimes I had sex with guys, sometimes I didn’t. I loved the attention, the excitement, and. You left me without saying goodbye! Theonly person who ever made me feel loved left without saying why. I neverdid anything but love you completely and just like everyone else, youcast me aside because it was convenient."I stared at her fiercely and my voice took on a hardened edge. "For therecord, I do know what you went through because the sick bastard did thesame and worse to me. At least Mom stopped him when she found out ithappened to you and got you help. Care to guess what she told me. I was about to lose my dream of being the one to take his virginity. Since he’d started working at the bar, it seemed he had more and more girls that wanted his attention. I was getting less and less of his. When I did get time alone with him and he wasn’t messaging someone else, it seemed that all he did was irritate me. What was once cute, now made my blood boil. Gone in my eyes was the mature, sophisticated man I’d once known. It felt to me that he had reverted back to his age and spending. My breathing is heavier. ‘Oh god,’ I quietly moan. I have to be quiet because the children are in the other room, and I don’t want questions or interruptions as I explore myself, with you in my mind. Oh how I wish you were here with me, right now, grabbing my thoughts and taking me to heaven…letting your fingers be where mine are. Darling, I have to stop. . . I have to use both my hands. **** I’m back now, sweetheart. I know you’re frustrated by my broken sentences, but I won’t cheat you from.
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